Tag Archives: #activedad

Some Reflections on the Last Month or so

My last post prompted a very good and very old (yeah, Dan, you’re old!) friend to call me on some of the gripes i’ve been having lately and it got me thinking: have i been ungrateful while i’ve been off with Rosie?

His original reply:

To be fair pete, and I don’t want to sound like a dick. You’ve got a sweet deal. You’re lucky to spend so much time with your daughter and go climbing when weather allows is a bonus at this stage in the game. Stop moaning. It’ll stop raining soon.

That, in turn, led to a rather lengthy public Facebook conversation between us about me, my attitude and the things i could be doing rather than staring at the rain fall outside and wishing my life away.

And it led to me reflecting on the time i’ve had so far. As with my ideas on New Years, it’s probably wise to look back periodically and if i do this now, it should allow me to make even more of the rest of the time we have before i go back to work. It might even come to affect our relationship after i have gone back!

Our Daily Routine

To start with, here’s some of our daily routines.

Em works one of two shifts on any given day: a morning shift until 2pm or an evening shift that normally starts early afternoon and finishes at 9pm. Personally, i prefer when she’s working mornings and we’ve developed a standard routine on these occasions.

With Rosie being tantamount to the perfect child, we normally get up around 9am, have a bottle and a cup of tea and then wash up from the night before, including her bottles. Then she has a nap while i write, or do house move admin or hopefully get everything ready for heading out later, making a plan based on the weather. Around 1pm, she normally wakes up and it’s lunchtime, with some shmush, finger food and another bottle. Then we’re out.

With me being so easy to please, usually just wanting tea and climbing, the default is always to try and get out to a crag but that doesn’t mean it’s the only thing we do and it certainly doesn’t mean if it’s not possible, we don’t do anything at all. I’ll talk more later about what we have actually achieved so far.

If Em is on a morning shift, normally i wait until she gets home and we normally then do something as a family. Yesterday, for example, was swimming which was awesome and something we all love to do. Walking around North Wales is also a popular option, especially as it keeps Tess, our resident canine, happy too. Sometimes, it ends up being something more necessary than fun-focused, like a trip to Tesco or the other popular one is to socialise with grandparents – we are lucky that both have accommodation of sorts around here and we see them often.

When Em is working and outdoor climbing not an option, there is still a bit of a hierarchy of activities i like to opt for. Both local walls are very accommodating and i have a great relationship with both so an indoor session often works well, and there is another climbing wall on site at work at Plas y Brenin; the latter having the advantage that we get to see Rosie’s mum briefly and our colleagues love seeing the baby.

The next option is normally to go boulder scouting. I’ve found that no level of knowledge of a crag pre-baby can actually tell you whether it’s a suitable venue to take a little one and it’s always best to check with fresh eyes now you know what you’re looking for. And of course, it’s just a walk in the hills really –  a win for everyone.

What about typical baby activities?

As for things like baby club or baby massage, that’s more my problem than anything else. I just don’t feel like i’d be that welcome and don’t actually know when and where most of these things take place.

Granted that’s mostly my responsibility to find out but i’m just not entirely convinced these things are as much for dads as they are for mums. That and why would i do that when i can take everyone climbing, keeping me and Tess that bit happier?

There is a bit of a network of local outdoorsy mums that i kinda know but haven’t really socialised with properly yet. In the interests of some peer social time for Rosie, it is something i know i should pursue but for now, what we’re doing is working and keeping us pretty happy.

Have i neglected the dog?

Erm, yeah probably. Fitting Tess and Rosie into life has proved the biggest challenge for me and sadly, the dog often loses out.

I am conscious of this, hence the hierarchy of activities; it keeps her happier and healthier. At the least, i try and get a walk around the village every day for Tess, so she doesn’t go stir crazy. And of course any baby free time is normally tailored to give my loyal pooch some activity too.

Rosie and Tess have certainly gelled perfectly and have a great relationship, even at this very young stage. Play time with the baby at home often engages the dog too which certainly helps. In a short while, i’m sure they’ll be exhausting each other while i’m washing up.

Has It Worked?

That depends on how you look at it but in the greater scheme of things, yes it has, spectacularly so.

Part of the problem is that i want to be out, every single day. If i can’t for around a week, i get itchy feet and start to think we’re not getting out enough.

Another part of the problem is that my memory is shite and i often plain forget that we got out climbing five times last week and it’s only this week we haven’t done as much. That’s what happened with my last post.

Here’s some figures to go with it: my 27crags ticklist shows 58 new boulder problems since i started Shared Parental Leave – and that doesn’t include a lot of climbs i’ve repeated, that’s just things that weren’t already on the list .

A quick count shows that Rosie herself has been to at least ten venues in North Wales since she was born, either while we were climbing or on a scouting mission. That doesn’t take into account the days i’ve been out without her in that time and that’s just North Wales, so you can add a week in Glendalough into that as well.

On the Facebook debate that prompted this post, Dan said,

For all the support I get from my partner, I can still only climb on average once at weekends, and two or three evenings a month. I tend to get rained off 25% of my days. I climbed a handful of times during my first year as a dad.

That is indeed a bit of perspective! especially as his partner is absolutely awesome. How i’ve done this, i’m not entirely sure but i certainly shouldn’t be taking it for granted.

The Big Important Point

The big huge, neon signed, slap people in the face point i’ve been trying to labour is that you too can get out. If i can do it, you can do it. I’m a barely organised, often unfed and unkept, mess of a human being. People have often said to me before, “i don’t know how you’re still alive” due to my chaotic nature and lack of basic ability to look after myself to others standards. [For the record, i look after my daughter infinitely better and she is perfectly happy and healthy.] If i can get myself sorted to get out climbing, anyone can.

I honesty think that a lot of people – and i don’t mean Dan or anyone else in particular – act the way they think they should when it comes to looking after babies. You’re faced with the fact it’s really hard right from the moment you announce you’re expecting and it really doesn’t fill you with confidence. My dad was the worst for it, telling me i’d never be able to leave the house with a baby; although that may have been a blessing in disguise, as i normally try and prove him wrong with anything he says. So thanks dad, you inadvertently helped.

Get organised, get out. Learn your babies routine and manipulate it to help you. Don’t fall into the habit of being A Parent above everything else – still be you and be a parent as well. Now i’ve looked back, i’ve suddenly realised what the levels of success you can have can be.

Advertisements

Daddy’s Downfall

After eleven weeks of fatherhood, the tiredness finally caught up with me.

I’d been told this plenty of course but having what many would call the perfect child – she sleeps from midnight until around 8am every night, for example – has meant that the effects of having a newborn in my life snuck up on me.

So many people try and tell you, especially in the lead up to the baby’s arrival “oh, your life is totally different, you’ll give up climbing, it’s all about sleepless nights and you’ll swap chalk bags for nappy bags” and to an extent, no matter how much you try and fight it, they are right. Your mindset will change, your priorities are different now, your life as it was is no more. But does that mean you need to give it all up? Well, that may just depend on the passion you held for your previous life.

For me, since long before even the prospect of having a child came about, i’ve been determined not to let parenthood stop me doing what i want to do; merely adjusting what i do and when to suit my new change in lifestyle. I’m a climber, that is part of who i am and i really don’t want to lose that.

One recent Friday, my weekly coaching session was followed by the usual quick bouldering blast and suddenly, despite my recent successes and outdoor sessions, i found myself struggling on 6s. Even when i did succeed on a 7a or thereabouts, i returned to the mat in a heap, absolutely wiped out. Parenting, it turns out, is actually exhausting.

I’ve done pretty well to date. I’ve managed weekly coaching sessions since she was born, my ticklist includes seven outdoor problems, two of which are first ascents, at an average grade of 6c+. Not too shabby really. One of them was a 7b in a session (detailed in my last post).

The flip side of the coin includes a slight shoulder injury, actually on both arms but more on my left. After a while, i realised that it was from holding the baby…

There are the demands of the family as a whole, as well. I’ve been very lucky to date that Em has been more than happy for me to go out climbing and often, the whole family attacks the crag and chums about at a local boulder. Nevertheless, after a day of tending to a small sqiurmy thing, my other half needs a break occasionally and the prospect of me going straight from work to climb and finally get home 14 hours after leaving just isn’t fair to her.

And let’s not forget one crucial element: i want to spend time with my daughter. While i can – and will, be sure of it – combine daddy-daughter-time with climbing time, if it comes to a choice between the two, she’s gonna win every time. Well, 9 times out of 10 at least. I guess that’s the balance i need to now find.

It is an odd feeling now that it is actually happening to me. The nice thing about being a parent is that generally, you have many months to prepare yourself before their arrival and set your mindset as to how you want to handle things. As a climber, this, for me, includes things like combining these two huge aspects of my life.

What i’m learning now is how difficult that can be. You have to take into account the constant needs of a baby on you – something i’ve neglected to do up to now. They do indeed need your constant attention, your partner needs your help all the time you can spare and it grinds you down, even if, like me, you don’t even realise it.

Girls ♡ #home #walk #mountains #landscape #northwales #slatequarry #dog

A post shared by See Emily Play (@emks93) on

None of this is a complaint in any way. I love having a daughter, Em is fantastic and i am, contrary to what i was told before Rosie’s birth, getting to go climbing every now and again. The reason for this post is more as advice for those in or about to be in a similar position.

Can i go climbing? Yes, it’s possible, nay easy, to get out and do so regularly. Can you do it in the same way you did before? Not a chance, you’d be a fool to try.

Am i going to get up 7c+ any time soon? Not unless i’m really lucky and get the right one on the right day at exactly the right time. But that doesn’t mean i can’t keep getting out.

This period just after the baby’s arrival is a massive shock to your system and you’ll need to be ready. Understand that it’s about small adjustments, not wholesale changes. Bouldering is hugely beneficial in this respect but even then, you will be more tired when you rock up at the crag than you would’ve been under the same circumstances 9 months ago.

But don’t let that stop you, please. And i mean please sincerely. If you still have a passion for climbing, or indeed anything, having a baby doesn’t stop you in your tracks. Trust me, i’m living proof.

So what does change? I don’t know if i’ve mentioned it already but you will, no matter how good your offspring and other half are, be more tired than before. Parenting simply is not easy. It’s totally worth it. It’s almost in the same way as a hard climb that takes time and work. It’ll exhaust you but the rewards are greater for it.

Even if you take the baby with you, unless you’re just going to ignore them and negate the point of having them there, they will interrupt your session. You simply cannot dedicate your time and energy to climbing as intensely as before. This is fine, as long as you take it into account.

Your time will be restricted. It just will. There is no question here, babies are time intensive, it’s as simple as that. So be tactically astute with the time you’ve got. You can’t magic more time from nowhere but if you use it wisely, you can get the best from it. This is the big key. Be organised or be frustrated.

Your energy levels are going to be lower than they were so the idea of pushing your limits starts to change. Grade chasers beware: even for dads, the chances are your top grade will be lower than it was. So embrace it, set new goals, lower your standards slightly and take things from there.

The effect of a newborn on fathers is often underrated (in my experience). Em is off work, at home with Rosie, i’m at work, back to the usual routine i had prenatal. I honestly didn’t notice the baby having any effect on me physically – Em takes care of things and i help when and where i can. I’m not actually involved, my nipples are not in action, why should i be tired?

Well, dads, you will be. Know it and you can work with it. Neglect it and suffer. Know it is possible to carry on your life from before. And for all of you, it’s important for you to do just that. Manage it and you have my utmost respect.

A #throwback to days gone by today: to days pre-baby when my time was only my own and I was free to go and do things like this, #rockattrocity at #parisellascave, whenever it suited me. Those days are gone. Now, I have dependants, I have a family, I have loved ones in my life who have their own demands on my time. The big question is: would I give up this life for the one I had then? Not for all the ascents in the world. Not to climb burden of dreams. I love my daughter and my better half so much, they do and always will mean more to me than anything. Does this mean I'm giving up #climbing then? No chance! What it does mean is a slight adjustment as to how I go about things now. My love for my family doesn't mean any less love for #bouldering It's the subject of my latest blog post (link in bio) and something oft neglected; the effect of a newborn on dads. That balance is coming and when it does, I'm certain things will be better than they have ever been. #northwales #worldclasswales #northwalesbouldering #climbing_pictures_of_instagram #climbing_is_my_passion #activedad

A post shared by Chez de la Bloc (@edwards.pete) on